


Broken

by etherealabyss



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bruises, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Severus Snape is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-28
Updated: 2020-11-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:14:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27756742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealabyss/pseuds/etherealabyss
Summary: After a long day, Severus stumbled home from getting drinks with Hagrid. Not having told his partner where he had been, he arrived at their shared chambers and was confronted by her.
Relationships: Severus Snape/Reader
Comments: 2
Kudos: 50
Collections: my snape stories collection





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first harry potter fanfic - I have not read the books nor do I have enough knowledge that I could pride myself on saying that this is perfect. the timeline doesn't add up properly because I didn't have the knowledge and the need to have it be jkr accurate. also, I wrote this at 2 am so don't judge. and yes, phones exist in that universe. also lily isn't mentioned because I didn't want to include that part of snape's mind into this. english isn't my first language either so if you see any mistakes, I want you to know that I tried my best haha. also, I made up a character for the sake of the story - the student is just some random student, you'll know what I mean when you get there. that all being said, I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!!i'd love to hear your feedback!!

When Severus stumbled down the hall, his head was ringing because of the long day he had. The students were tormenting him to an insane extent, not even taking points from their houses made him feel better. When he moved his head to the left, his entire side hurt because he accidentally tripped over his feet just seconds after leaving Hagrid’s hut around midnight. The man would never admit it to himself, but he liked the giant’s company, even if it was just over some butterbeer and fire-whiskey-shots. His eyes were fixed on his shiny monk straps that were covered by tiny, brown pieces of dirt. “Ugh” he groaned, reaching down to his legs and trying to get as much filth off him as possible. 

Fortunately, it was about one in the morning so none of his students could see him – otherwise, this would’ve been one of the most embarrassing days of his life, hell, he could even lose his job over such foolish behaviour! Sweat pearls started to drip down his forehead just before realised that he, in fact, was on hallway duty, so none of the other professors would see him in that state either. Severus never expected to get as tipsy as he got - he somehow got carried away telling stories and complaining about the Daily Prophet that he didn’t realise how many drinks his friend had served him until he began to feel his head spinning ever so slightly. He wasn’t blackout drunk, not even close to that, but he could feel the alcohol in his blood and somehow, he liked it. He knew that he had to brew a hangover potion twice the size of how they’re usually fabricated but that fact amused him more than it annoyed him. The phone in his pocket had been dead for hours – nobody could reach him. His black coat was falling gracefully behind him as he made his way down the stairs to his quarters. Even though the castle was beautiful, he somehow wished it were smaller at that particular moment. Rubbing his slightly puffy eyes, his breathing stopped when he heard the footsteps of somebody trying to sneak back into their common rooms. 

“Reveal yourself” He said, keeping his voice as clear as possible. Even though nobody could read his thoughts or could tell what was going on underneath the stone-cold exterior of his, he still wanted to make sure that his reputation was not to be messed with. The hitchy breathing of Aberforth Doge could be heard throughout the entire school as he whispered “Lumos” to show Snape who he was. The boy was in utter shock, hoping not to get detention for the next 3 years. His entire body shut down when the pale professor stepped up to him and stared right into his soul. “Mr Doge, what were you thinking being up at this hour? 20 points from Gryffindor and don’t you dare be late to my class tomorrow or another 20 will be taken from you” Snape hissed, making sure the boy would not even think about going anywhere but to bed. Aberforth nodded and ran to the entrance of the Gryffindor common room, his heart racing faster than a thousand race cars. Satisfied with his actions, Severus walked down the long, grey staircase and stopped just before his chambers. Well, they’re not entirely his anymore, since he shared them with his partner (Y/N). She was a professor for Herbology and History of Magic – two subjects Severus was very interested in but would never teach himself because he had enough responsibilities that needed to be taken care of. Before he entered the chambers, he took a deep breath. Walking all the way down to his home he felt less and less dizzy. “Thanks to the fresh air” he thought to himself and chuckled. 

POV CHANGE

When you finally heard the key unlock the door, you sighed in relief. If there’s one thing you hated, it was when Severus left for hours on end without telling you where he had gone. You were so angry you didn’t know where to start when you saw him enter the bedroom. “Good evening (Y/N)” he said in his monotone voice. You turned to him, ready to say something when you saw how dishevelled he looked. “It’s past midnight – where the hell were you? What were you thinking just leaving without saying anything? Are you drunk? You look horrible, Severus” you shouted, getting up from the comfortable armchair to face him properly. 

You loved him but hated him for nights like these. Given his past, you understood that he needed space for himself sometimes. Even though time heals all wounds, the ones underneath the skin hurt twice as bad because they tend to be neglected. Ever since you met him that fateful night in Hogsmeade, you cared deeply for him. You remember the way he looked across the room, his sad eyes darkening everything around him. As he ordered a drink, you made your way next to him and sat down on the barstool, determined to make him smile. It didn’t matter to you how long it would take, you wanted to see his frown disappear. “Who are you and what do you want from me?” he asked, his deep voice sending shivers through your spine. He couldn’t have been much older than you, 23 at best. “My name is (Y/N) and I saw you looking at me earlier and thought I’d say hello” you answered, waving at the bartender as he brought Severus a drink, signalising him that you wanted whatever he was having. “I am sorry to disappoint you but looking is what eyes are made for, (Y/N), and I am not here to make friends” the man answered shortly. You could tell how tense he was and how desperately he needed to get rid of the tension but wouldn’t let himself to do so. “That’s too bad” you grinned, “because I am not leaving. What’s your name?” you asked, thanking the bartender for having brought your drink and gave him 10 quid, paying for both you and the stranger’s drinks.

“My name is Severus Snape, and I would appreciate it if you were to leave and I am not happy with your decision to pay for my drink” Severus said rather quickly, trying to make you leave by being his grumpy self and staring into your eyes with disinterest, but felt his shoulders ease a little when he realised that your eyes were filled with joy and kindness. He had never seen such pretty eyes before. Snape suddenly couldn’t look away, finding it almost impossible not to lose himself in your (E/C) eyes. 

“If it bothers you that much, why don’t you pay for the next round, then?” you smiled and rested your arm against the bar. The black-haired man felt his cheeks heat up, not quite sure what to do. He had never been flirted with in any kind of way and did not want to screw it up, even though it was just a random stranger talking to him. He somehow felt drawn to her and even enjoyed that feeling. He nodded. “Sounds arrangeable” Severus said and took a sip of his whiskey. He felt the cold liquid burning down his throat and smelled the rest of what was left, taking in his drink. “Tell me about your day, Severus – I’m sure you’ll feel much better after letting it all out” you suggested, leaning a bit closer to him so that you wouldn’t mistake his words to the many other conversations that were going on in the pub. He decided to stop caring about his boundaries for the evening and went on a rant about how boring teaching is, how dumb some of his students were and how some Gryffindors ruined his potted flowers. He felt his body relaxing after talking for what felt like ages and gave you the tiniest of smiles. “Thank you for letting me vent” the man said and checked his watch. The two of you exchanged glances and you winked at him before finishing your drink. Severus did not know what to do. You saw your friends pack their stuff and sighed because you knew that you had to join them. “Severus, I have to leave, but here is my phone number, I would love to get some drinks with you again and listen to the latest Hogwarts gossip” you grinned before getting up and trying to put on your coat. He immediately shot up and helped you, fixing the back of your coat before you turned to him and gave him the kindest of smiles he had ever seen. “I really mean it, I’d love to see you again” you whispered into his ear, now standing on your tiptoes and kissing his cheek softly before rushing out of the pub.  
Severus couldn’t even take everything in before you left and slowly raised his hand to touch the spot you had just previously kissed. He enjoyed your company, even if he didn’t show it. Not even twenty minutes later he saved your number and thought about what he could text you. He didn’t want to ruin your night, but he also wanted to see you as soon as possible so he settled with a simple “This is my number in case you were wondering xx Severus”. He could still feel the warmth of your soft lips colliding with his cold skin as if you were right in front of him. 

You watched him undo his coat buttons and sigh. “I may have had a drink or two” he mumbled, trying to not to embarrass himself. “Have you any idea of the fear you put me through? I thought you met with the Dark Lord! I didn’t know if you would even come back! I spent two hours sitting on the bed, staring at the entrance of the castle, hoping you would return” you shouted, feeling your cheeks turn red and your eyes fill with tears. He knew how much you hated not knowing where he was. It was a trait you picked up from him, knowing how safe it made him feel when he was aware of your location. 

Severus looked at you and felt his heart ache. He never meant to make you unhappy. It was never his intention to leave without your knowledge – all he wanted was to forget about the horrible day he had and thought that visiting Hagrid would do the trick. As he watched your eyes become glossy, he immediately walked up to you and hugged you tightly. He hated himself for allowing situations like these to happen. “I am so unbelievably sorry, (Y/N)” he answered quietly.

When you felt his arms wrap around you, you felt a sense of safety return to you. Even though you were mad at him, you were still happy he was home. “Is... Is that blood?” you ask quietly, looking at his arms when you separated. “Yes, I assume it is” Severus answered, being amused by your reaction. You, on the other hand, did not find it funny at all. “What the hell happened? Let me take care of this” you said, leading him to the bed and taking out the first aid kit. “I stumbled on my way here and may have fallen to the ground once or twice” he admitted hastily. As you heard his answer, you disinfected the wounds on his forearm and wrist and whispered a healing spell so that his wounds would be all but gone. 

You dragged him into the bathroom, ignoring his groaning and started cleaning his face and brushed through his dark hair. Once you were finished with his exterior, you told him to drink half a litre of water and brush his teeth afterwards. While Snape was known for being a very demanding and dominating person, he grew to like you ordering him around. Both of you knew that he could do the things himself, but he enjoyed the feeling of knowing someone had a plan for him. While he got changed and showered quickly, you turned to the large window in your shared bath and looked up to the sky, sighing softly as you saw the rain fall down. 

Knowing Severus was not a man of many words there were many things left unsaid between the two of you. Even though you know most about his past and were practically soulmates, he still wasn’t ready to let you in all the way after all these years. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, putting on his sleeping trunks as he watched you sit on the edge of the bathtub, staring outside of the window. He loved the way your skin glowed when the moon shone as brightly as it did that night. You were the most beautiful woman he had ever met. Severus couldn’t understand how gorgeous and elegant a person could be until he met you. Everything you did seemed so natural to you as if you were born to do the things you did. The students loved you, the colleagues spoke highly of you and even Hagrid’s animals went nuts when they saw you, trying to show their appreciation somehow.

You nodded, slowly getting up and walking up to him. He was much taller than you, so you had to tilt your head back in order to look into his eyes. He studied your face, ignoring the shockwave of pain going down his side when he tried to cup your face with his hand. Severus saw how unhappy you were and frowned. How could he undo his actions? Prevent what had happened? 

“We need to have a chat” you said and left the bathroom, waiting for him to follow. He suddenly froze at your words. “Fuck” he whispered, knowing exactly what was about to happen. You were going to break up with him. You were fed up with his selfish and rude behaviour. You secretly hated everything about him. This was all just a giant joke, he told himself before he entered the bedroom and saw you change into one of his rather large sweatshirts. 

“What ... is it you would like to talk about?” he asked quietly after walking up to you, smelling your hair and leaning down so he could hug you from behind, dreading what you were going to say. His heart was racing, he could feel his pulse in his fingers, his forehead and his kneecaps simultaneously. 

You loved being held by him. When his arms were wrapped around you, you knew you were at home, no matter where you’d be. His freshly cleaned skin felt so warm against your back that you had let your head fall back so it would rest against his chest. Severus’ eyes were focused on yours before he covered your head in kisses. 

“I wanted to talk to you about a few things, actually” you said before freeing yourself of his hold and taking his hand to guide him to the bed where the two of you sat down and looked at each other. His eyes were filled with questions. He didn’t know what to do. He could not let his whole world crumble before his eyes. 

“I need you to trust me completely” you whispered, resting your hand on his thigh. “I do” he answered quickly. “I know that you do, but you’re my partner, Severus. I need you to tell me the things that trouble you. I want to make you happy. I want you to overcome your fears. I want you to let me be there for you because as long as you close up when things are mentioned, everything I do is a lost cause” you said, intertwining your fingers. You knew that he loved you, but he needed to tell you about his troubles instead of letting them get to the better of him. 

“I don’t ... I don’t want to put all that weight on your shoulders” he said, looking at the storm outside of your bedroom windows. “You’re not, my love” you sigh, now taking both of his hands into yours. In comparison to your fingers, his seemed to be those of a giant. 

“I don’t want to bother you more than I already do” he said, getting ready to end the conversation. “I don’t want you to see that side of me” he added and shook his head. You hated whenever he said that. It made you feel like a stranger who was only allowed to see what he wanted you to see. 

“How mature of you” you said and watched him get up. “I don’t want you to rot in your own personal hell like I do” Severus shrugged and got himself some water. Meanwhile, you could feel your blood boiling. Did he not realise that in the past 3 years you two have overcome so many of his problems by solving them? Did he forget the many hours where he laid in your arms and spoke about his struggles, giving you a better insight into who the man you loved was? 

“Severus, I need you to listen to me – I love you so very much, I’ve loved you ever since we kissed the night of our first date and I wouldn’t trade our time together with anything in the world but if you continue to shut yourself off because of your trauma, the two of us will never be able to completely love each other because you are holding yourself back!” you almost shouted, making him return to the bedroom immediately. You didn’t realise how late it had gotten. 

Severus felt his entire body tense. He needed to fix this – he knew he did, but he didn’t have the courage to speak his mind freely. When he saw your sad expression, he felt as if the air had been sucked out of his lungs. His love for you was so strong, he hated seeing you sad more than anything in the world. He walked up to the bed, sat down and took a deep breath. 

“I cannot even fathom to describe my love for you. I have never loved anyone as strongly as I have loved and love you. You are the reason that I am where I am. You are the reason why I wake up every morning. If I could, I would quit teaching and spend every day of my life covering your body with kisses, hoping that one day you would feel the love I have for you. There is nothing better but to feel your arms wrapped around me when I grade exams – I melt when I feel your breath on my neck, it’s the most beautifully agonising feeling in the world. I love seeing you wear my clothes, especially the robes – I’m rambling, oh well - There are so many things I could list that I love about you, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself ... But there are things I can’t ... say. I can’t let them escape my mouth. If I could, I would tell you everything. But I can’t. I’m afraid that if I say the things you want to hear, I might end up in a very dark place” Severus said, getting quieter towards the end. His fingers were trembling. His breath quickened. You could tell that he needed you to calm him down, but you couldn’t end the conversation. You needed to know more. Tiny tear droplets have formed at the corner of his eyes, which you wiped away with your fingers as you held his head in your hands just seconds after sitting in his lap. You kissed the trail of tears softly, making sure he knew that he understood how important he was to you. 

“I want you to use the Legilimency spell on me” he whispered as you covered his cheeks with butterfly kisses. “Are you sure, Severus?” you asked, afraid he would let you invade something he was not ready to be invaded. “I am, I need you to see me fully in order for you to know who you are giving your love to” he whispered, trying to calm himself but in reality, he was shaking. He was scared of losing you. He couldn’t let his future repeat his past. 

You summoned your wand and pointed it at him. Before you said the word, you looked into his eyes and made sure he was entirely okay with this. Once you both had closed your eyes, you whispered the spell to enter his mind.

First, you saw utter darkness. Then you heard screaming and shouting, one person abusing another while you saw Severus crying in his bed, hiding behind his raggedy blanket. The door was swung open by a drunk, intimidating looking man who grinned and shouted: “you fucking piece of shit, you will pay for being such a lazy son of a bitch”. “She is not a bitch” Severus whimpered, whereupon the man laughed and took of his belt. “Talking back? You will regret this, you little arseling”

You were taken to Hogwarts, seeing Severus sitting in the large library studying potions. He looked so peaceful writing down his notes, you almost wanted to hug him. Before your mind could do so, you were interrupted by James Potter and his friends who started throwing books at Severus. He groaned and tried to move out of their target, but they were faster than him. “Come back Snivellus, don’t be such a pussy” 

Before you could watch him try to escape the scenario, you were taken to a dark, dark place underneath the earth. You could see Snape laying on the ground, almost choking on the gag that had been shoved down his throat. He looked so thin he must have been locked up for weeks. “We don’t trust you” Bellatrix laughed from the outside of the cellars. Severus looked as if he was about to die. His body was cold, his eyes were red, and his blood was thick – you hated seeing him like this more than anything. He must have previously been tortured by someone because of the many scars covering his back and chest. “Severus, why so whiny? Would you like to get out of here? Then you should have not let down the Dark Lord” Bellatrix laughed.

As you slipped back to reality, you felt the tears that poured down your face as the rain did outside. When you looked at Severus, you saw him trying to rub his own tears off his face. “Oh, my love” you whispered and stopped him, carefully wiping the tears away with the soft fabric of the sweatshirt you were wearing. 

“I know that I could not be there for you when these things happened, but I love you so much” you whispered and cupped his cheeks again, making him look into your eyes. “You are the only person I need in my life and I devote myself solely to you, Severus – I cannot get enough of telling you how much I love you” you smiled through your tears. “You are the smartest, most beautiful, witty and cunning person I have ever met” You continued, feeling his heartbeat getting slower. “You did not deserve to be treated this way. No child should experience this – nobody should be this humiliated and exposed” You let your hands run through his hair, combing it ever so slightly. Severus sat up and rested his head on your chest, allowing you to hug him properly. 

“But the past is far behind us and the future is different for all of us and I am here every step of the way to support you, guide you and love you until the end of time” you whispered and closed your eyes. Your breath calmed and you focused on the two of you holding each other. The rain and thunder were fighting outside but neither of you cared because you had each other. You both knew that without the other, your purpose in life would be lost. You couldn’t wait to see what the future had in store for the two of you, but you didn’t think about that because, at this moment in time, the most important thing to you was kissing the top of his head as he pressed his face into the fabric of your sweatshirt. 

Severus sat up and laid you on the bed, covering you with the big blanket you shared before following you. He pulled you close, letting your back rest against his chest and whispered, “I have loved you since the moment I set eyes on you, (Y/N)”. You smiled, taking his hand into yours and kissed his knuckles. “And I will always do” he added before turning your head to his so he could kiss your lips softly. “I know, Severus” you whispered, knowing that the two of you could finally love each other with all you had. Even if you still didn’t understand everything that was going on in his mind, you were thankful for knowing he felt completely and utterly save with you. And even in the worst of times, you knew you had each other’s backs, no matter if you had a long day or just needed to vent. You would stand side by side no matter what. As you heard Severus doze off, you were thankful for everything that happened tonight. Nothing could stop your love for each other.


End file.
